I am a student.
I live in portland.
I love... ministry. photography. laughter. being organized. coffee. being a sister. relieving stress. conversation. affection. music. adventure. boys. hugs. friends. drinks. sun. sunsets. dreams. bonfires. bare feet. weddings. naps. cooking. serving.
I miss having you a part of my daily life. I know we’re both busy, we can’t change that, but I want to find a way to balance our friendship and our schedules. You know that quality time is huge for me. And I have a hard time asking you to give me that because you are so spread thin. I have had a lot going on in my life in the last 3 weeks and I feel like I haven’t been able to share with you. When I begin to talk about something, you are distracted, or you start to get irritated, or you change the subject. So I have stopped trying to talk to you. Then when I try to ask how things are going in your life, you get annoyed why I’m asking so many questions. I care about you. I just feel like our relationship has had tension for a long time. I know you probably don’t notice it because you’re mind is going a million other directions, but I have been hurt a lot in our relationship. I always take the blame, because I know it’s exhausting to be friends with me, and especially best friends with me because I expect a lot. Last week I decided I was going to stop trying with us. I told myself that I’m just adding more stress and work to your life, it’s selfish of me, and unfair to you. I’m not asking you to cater to my needs, I just want to be a part of your life. I’m willing to keep my feelings and needs to myself. It’s not about me all the time. I can talk about my issues to other friends, I can seek out others to pour into me. I want to support you, I want to be your number one fan, I want to be at your events, I just don’t want to be where I’m unwanted. Every time I try to pull away, you notice which tells me that I can’t give up on us. I’m just exhausted though. I don’t know how to find a balance. I want to spend time with you, but I don’t want to ask you to add one more thing to your plate. I am willing to make whatever sacrifice I need to in order to ensure that we’re okay. I’m insecure in relationships… when i don’t see you or when I do see you and I don’t feel like I’m a priority, I assume we are fading, and that scares me. I don’t know the solution. I don’t know if there is one, but that’s where I’m at and why I have been so closed off lately.
things to never make fun of:
- mental illnesses
- eating disorders
I missed you… I cried myself to sleep because I couldn’t see you every day anymore and this scared me… What’s life going to be like after graduation? You consume my world
You found someone else immediately after I left.
Reality hit- you are my world and I am nothing to you…
My heart hurt. You broke it, again.
First I felt like the feeling of missing you would never go away. Then I felt like heartbreak would never stop. Guess what, it did.