A Drop in the Ocean

Day one of our 7 day detox! This is just the beginning of a summer of taking my health and fitness seriously. My best friend Kaiao and I are starting a blog to track our progress if you’re interested! http://cugettingfit.wordpress.com/

Day one of our 7 day detox! This is just the beginning of a summer of taking my health and fitness seriously. My best friend Kaiao and I are starting a blog to track our progress if you’re interested! http://cugettingfit.wordpress.com/

Viscious Cycle

I fight like hell and get nothing in return but I don’t have the will power to walk away because I would rather have a shit relationship than no relationship.


I get mad at myself for getting my heart broken time and time again because it’s my fault for having expectations in people who I know will never pursue me the way I pursue them.

Grace.

thehappykampa:

awfulbelieverskepticaldreamer:

The reality of my sin is crashing in hard on me today. And I rather not deal with it. It seems a lot easier to turn on the TV and try to fall asleep to the muffled voices of the world.

But grace. 

But faith. 

But God, the most beautiful words ever written. 

It is finished.

(via coldhandsandspilledcoffee)

deeplifequotes:

Sometimes the things we complain most about are the things we care most about. Unfortunately, we don’t always know that until it’s too late. -Grey’s Anatomy

deeplifequotes:

Sometimes the things we complain most about are the things we care most about. Unfortunately, we don’t always know that until it’s too late. -Grey’s Anatomy

(Source: deeplifequotes)

Why I am controlling.

I have had an epiphany.
This week in counseling I had to explain all of my relationships and sexual experiences up to this point. My first physical experience was forced upon me which little did I know, had set me up to allow that for my whole life. I have over and over let men walk all over me. I chase after them because I have a fear that if I stop, they won’t come after me. I have been taught all my life that having a significant other gives you value.

The reason I always want to control others and shield them from harm is because I never got to make my own choices. ALL of my relationships have been a shameful experience. Nothing I am proud to share with my family. I have never dated anyone worthy of bringing home to mom and dad.


At 16 I was forced to do things I didn’t want to, I didn’t realize I was forced, I was just doing what I thought I had to because he was older. I lowered my standard because I thought having someone, even if it were unhealthy, gave me worth. In reality - it lowered my self worth.

I was forced to drink and smoke because of who I hung out with. All of those experiences were shameful for me. In my head I assume everyone will feel ashamed because that’s how I feel about my experiences. I try and control everyone else because I NEVER made the choice for myself.

It all makes sense now. I associate relationships, drinking, and smoking as shameful experiences because that’s how I felt with all of my experiences. I never got to choose to do them in my life, they were forced upon me in one way or another - so I try to make the choice for everyone else - when that comes across as controlling when the broken girl is just trying to come across as protective.